Women of LBM: Promotions, Pay, Emotions, and Empowering Yourself

Your overall culture might be a pro-diversity one, at least according to your company literature, but does your company harbor micro-cultures or leadership that does not reflect what you believe your overall culture to be? Do you truly support it or is your company (or more poignantly, you) experiencing cultural illiteracy?

LBM is largely a homogenized industry struggling to change in several aspects, diversity being just one. With so many companies claiming to be supportive and culturally female friendly, why is it still such an issue? Cultural illiteracy my friend.

Most women in our (or any industry) can rattle off a litany of “traps” they have at one point danced around or fallen into throughout their careers. For those of you not familiar with the various “traps” let me help educate you on just a few:

• The respect trap
• The cool girl trap
• The motherhood trap
• The economic worth trap
• The being heard trap
• The emotions trap

There comes a time in every woman’s career when you are blessed to experience at least one, if not a combo platter, of the above, with some added ala carte items thrown in to round out the meal. It takes a strong woman with a shit-ton of self-respect and self-worth to escape, side-step or flat out challenge the various traps, look them in the eye and say “I am not here because I am lucky, I am not sorry and I am not asking you a question or for permission.” I am here because of my talent, drive and determination.”

Let me elaborate:

The respect trap

“I can walk into a meeting, room or conversation and tell straight away who doesn’t respect me just because I am a woman” a female colleague once told me. I can relate. I have spent time in meetings where I was clearly the decision maker, the sales rep or department head spoke directly to the man beside me, never making eye contact with me. Over the years I have learned to be amused, letting it go until decision making time, then watched the offender stumble trying to gracefully recover when they realized the blunder. It is harder to stomach when it is someone who works with you and knows better.

The worst part of the respect trap sadly, is other women. It’s one thing for a man to think or say something unkind regarding a woman’s success, it is deep salt in a wound coming from another woman. Women are often less likely to give another woman respect for her accomplishments. It is worse if the woman is attractive or genetically gifted. Unkind comments or other unfounded biting speculations abound. So much for solidarity.

Best tip for attracting women and retaining women

Be aware of your actions and the actions or words of others around you. Hold people accountable for their words and actions. In other words, don’t participate in the unkindness and call out witchy behavior.

The cool girl trap

We all know the members of this group – Nothing bothers them. They pride themselves on being “one of the guys”. No joke is too racy, no behavior is out of line, they love all sports, and can hang out all night doing shots of Jäger. I don’t want to be one of the guys. I don’t want to pretend to like something to be accepted by the “boys”. As a woman, are you putting up with too much in order to fit in to a culture that isn’t worried about fitting you?

Best tip for attaching women and retaining women

Make cool overrated. Taking the team on a golf outing? Great, I’m in – they have a spa there or shopping (which I do consider I sport) or shooting, I will meet you in the bar after the day’s events and catch up. Everyone’s idea of “cool” is different. We can both skip the locker room talk. I am not a sensitive woman, but dang, some things are just not kosher to say in public-mixed company or not.

The motherhood trap

To procreate or not to procreate – that question faces many women. Do you tell your prospective employer you are thinking of having kids? Do you mention you have any? At this point in my career, it’s not an issue, mine are grown. But like many women, I lived through the competing pulls of parenthood and career. The conversations with your spouse around which of you has the day that can’t be cancelled, who takes the bullet to stay home with a sick kid or who leaves work for a school visit for the kid issue de jour. Getting overlooked for a promotion or a job opportunity because the unspoken “she may have kids, or she has kids and is that going to interfere with her ability to do the job” thought train of many employers is a reality for a lot of women. It is ok to be a woman and have a family and a career – the two may not look the way you thought it might, but it can be done, it takes some juggling and a supportive spouse.

As I’ve pointed out to co-workers – your husband is not babysitting, there his kids too. There have been times in my career I turned down promotions, trips or job offers – and I found the voice to say why. I wanted/needed time with my kids, my family. The beauty of kids, they do;t stay kids forever.

Best advice for anyone looking to promote or attract women

Don’t decide for her. Let her make the decision if she would like to take the job, promotion, project or even the business trip. Don’t assume she doesn’t want it or can’t make it work. Her family life is her decision.

The economic worth trap

Women are notorious for undervaluing themselves and settling for far less than our male counterparts in a similar role. Come on ladies, speak up! Know your worth and set your expectations accordingly. If the company walks away from you for asking for your value, then they don’t deserve you. Not sure how to find your worth? Google it! There is unlimited information out there, use your skills to help yourself.

Best advice for attracting women

Write the check! Ask yourself, would I pay a dude this wage or would I offer more? Why, because he has a family to support? Everyone has a family to support (some have furry kids but dependents nonetheless). Make the offer fair and equal.

The being heard trap

People that know me believe I have never had this problem. I have many viewpoints and a clear, loud voice that carries but the struggle is real. I was not always the outspoken individual I have grown into. Like others I have experienced mansplaining and manterrupting in my career and had to learn how to handle it. Being talked over, interrupted, over-talked or flat out ignored happens in meetings every day. Having your idea credited to the talentless hack sitting next to you because he is a loud-mouthed over-talker gets old. Ladies speak up!! Realize those same men are fighting each other to be heard as well, it is not personal. Don’t shy away because it is a challenge. Develop a wicked wolf whistle – it is quite the attention getter and room silencer.

Best way to attract women and retain women

Watch and lean the dynamics of a conversation. Ask for input. The viewpoint adds a lot of value if you give it a chance.

The emotions trap

Whenever I hear about a woman being “emotional” at work I think of the scene from A League of Their Own when Tom Hanks character tells the female baseball player there is “no crying in baseball” as he rips her a new one. The simple truth is women tend to be emotion driven than men. I remember being on the verge of tears in a difficult conversion with my then boss (a man). I could feel tears sitting at the lash line. I told him I needed a minute to collect myself. He responded, “Thea, it’s ok if you cry, I won’t think less of you”. That actually made it worse. I wasn’t worried what he would think of me, I was pissed those tears sprang up — I was mad not upset, mad at myself for welling up. I said, “If I cry, you’re crying too”. He laughed and said, “I don’t think so, but go ahead”. “Oh, you will cry”. “I will kick you in the Huevos so hard you’ll cry, no one will know why, they will just see you cry”. We both started laughing, mostly at how ridiculous the whole exchange was, it broke the tension and the tears where gone, but it begs the question – Why was it ok for me and not for him? Gender weakness? At the opposite end of the rainbow, I watched a company president, a respected leader, stand before the entire company population and give a teary, emotional laden speech before his employees. He was hailed as “brave” and “genuine”. Would a woman in the same situation be view the same way? It is annoying that anytime I raise my voice or become passionate about a topic to be labeled “emotional” – like it’s a bad thing. I am not advocating that we wear our emotions on our sleeve but having emotions does not make me emotional.

Best advice for attracting women and retaining women

Understand that we are not your wife or daughter, don’t use “paternal leadership” on us. The same way women have had to learn and evaluate your facial expressions and body language, learn to evaluate ours and the situation.

Looking past the traps and pitfalls is the other side of “how to attract and retain your female workforce” equation. The “Manbassadors”. Least we paint all with the same broad brush there are men in organizations and industry that don’t see gender, they see talent and potential. They see talented individuals to add to the team and make it stronger. They are advocates for the cultural of the company. It is one thing to increase your female workplace footprint, it is another to keep them. These advocates make it easy to stay, work hard and build loyalty.

Instead of touting that your company has a “female friendly” culture, how about walking the walk? A culture of pro-advocacy. Not only for your female population but for ALL members of your company population. Mentors, advocates, coaches, call it what you like, but without champions and coaching it can be difficult to escape the trappings.

Women, how about empowering yourself? If your vision for your life and career isn’t want you want, what are you doing to change it? Take back your power and keep it. Breakdown your strengths and capitalize on them while acknowledging and addressing your less developed area’s (just because something is not a strength doesn’t necessarily make it a weakness if you know how to work with it). Have you created a community of truthful, powerful woman who build up, not tear you down, but help you grow with input, advice and insight in an honest, but “help you grow” kind of way – if not – why? Don’t tolerate the woman shamers – do not allow them to impact your growth and success.

The term mentoring gets batted about a lot but rarely gets past the feel-good comment stage. If you are a woman don’t make the mistake of believing only another woman can be your mentor. Mentors come in both genders, any area of the company or life. Don’t miss out on having a great cross section of mentors, coaches or advocates because you believe only a woman could possibly relate or that a man wouldn’t understand or add value. On some things, sure, but don’t sell a bro short, the entire first twenty years of my career were shaped predominately by male mentors.

If you truly want to wipe out cultural illiteracy at your company, start with yourself. Regardless of your seat on the bus, what are you actively doing to make a change and support a culture you believe you have. What are you doing to attract and retain your female population? Instead of silos of male vs. female, generation vs. generation, and the many other cultural challenges that clog up your HR departments day, work to create a supportive, cultural advocacy. I am not talking about building a safe space and handing out virtual hugs, improving your cultural doesn’t mean weaking it.

If “charity begins at home” perhaps advocacy should start at your company. What are you -YOU – specifically doing to turn the tide? Do you truly believe that since you have said you are a “pro-women” company or that you are “fair and equal”, that the belief has the trickledown effect and everyone, or the vast majority, believe and act accordingly? Take some time to explore those micro-cultures in your organization, see what you find. After all, what you will allow, will continue…and so the story goes.

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About Thea Dudley

Thea is a trailblazer in the world of finance and AR management in the building materials and construction industry, boasting over three decades of expertise. Her remarkable career encompasses leadership roles in a cross section of manufacturers, distributors, contractors and sub-contractors, demonstrating her exceptional skills in negotiation, leadership, process improvement and cashflow management. A charismatic speaker and author, Thea ignites discussions on AR management strategies and industry best practices. With a fervent commitment to professional growth, she has guided countless individuals through mentorship, workshops and her first book, The Credit Overlord’s Guide to Credit & Collections. Thea’s indelible impact extends beyond her work, shaping the future of credit and collections and inspiring a new generation of leaders to excel in this dynamic field.

Source: Women of LBM